I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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