I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
