I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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