Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
