I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize