I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Couch. On fire.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
