Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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