There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
