you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
