Quick, to the slutcave!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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