Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
