I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize