if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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