u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
