After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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