If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
