If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize