i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
