You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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