Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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