Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
