Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
