I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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