Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
