yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
