I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize