How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
