Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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