We got so high we made milksteak
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
