You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
