That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
