His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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