you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
