I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
