where does the pee come out of this thing
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
