you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
