After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need water and some morals
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
