your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
