so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
