so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
