So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
