Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
