I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
