How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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