He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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