i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
