i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
