I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
