It's Friday. Sex?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
