i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
