is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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