what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
