so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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