dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just invented taco cereal.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My bed smells like the plague
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
