i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
