sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
