apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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