So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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