I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A bitchslap is in order.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
