I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
