I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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