Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize