Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
