The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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