Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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