Already got asked if we're dating
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
