My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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