and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
