well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
