the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize