My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
