My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
