She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize