I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
