just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
