Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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